A"tent"tion To Detail Is The Way To Camp....You Would Think...

Phew....Just returned from the Heaven's Gate Farm camping trip and needless to say, I could use a nice long nap on my Heavenly cloud.  Don't get me wrong, it was extremely fun, but I think that most of my fatigue is the result of running around for the last three days!  To start things off, apparently word got out that Seattle Slew was bringing his new tent, (the one that you throw out into the air and it opens on it's own), because within minutes of arriving at our desired Heavenly destination, there were tents FLYING uncontrollably up into the air!!  It was almost as if a bell rang and a starting gate opened - they all seemed to shoot out at the exact same time.  It was not like anybody even discussed where they wanted their tents to be set up, they just started wheeling them.  Hey guys, these tents open on their own, but they don't choose and clear a campsite for you!!  GEESH!!  There was absolutely no co-ordination, no destination, and no estimation with regards to where and when these "circular discs" would land (Yes, some malfunctioned and decided NOT to open and ended up skidding across the Heavenly lake like "skipping" stones!)  OOPS!  Thankfully I packed my handy dandy camping book:

Now for those of you who are excellent Earthly campers, well, you could pretty much sent up a tent blindfolded no doubt, but for most of us at Heaven's Gate Farm, well, we need a little extra help.  The thing that stands out to me the most about this camping book....well, take a look at the Earthly family on the cover...don't they look calm, refreshed, enjoying themselves...ahhh, such an idyllic setting.  As I held up the cover of the book in front of me, a warm feeling approached, but then as I slowly lowered the book down, the scene out in front of me was COMPLETE HEAVENLY CHAOS!!  The exact OPPOSITE of the book cover!!!  *slaps Heavenly hand to forehead*  SOMEBODY decided to start launching chocolate dip doughnuts into the air and then catch them in their Heavenly mouth...Not mentioning any names though (JOHN HENRY...ahem!!) While looking to my left I see that the Heavenly marshmallow cart had been tipped over and Vanilla Mice were now using them as a Heavenly trampoline/dance floor...Needless to say I will NOT be eating s'mores now, that's for SURE!!  And to my right.....SLEW has somehow been overtaken by his tent!!!  HUH??  How the heck did that happen??!!  I rushed over to see what happened and when I questioned Slew (I could see him moving around in the canvas like a snake under a carpet!) he mumbled that the tent opened fine, but then when he climbed in it, it mysteriously closed back up on him!!  That is ABSOLUTELY impossible!  What are the Heavenly odds of that happening??!!  I told him to hold tight and I would get Barbaro, Affirmed and Alydar to help him out!  (Was getting those three to help him really a good idea?  Hindsight is 20/20 I guess!  That and the fact that his tent landed on a Heavenly ant hill....OH MY!!)  *sigh*  And if things weren't happening at lightning speeds, I peered over my shoulder and saw Sirrus the Heavenly gopher and Barry the Heavenly beaver with a set of Heavenly blueprints in their hands, er ah, paws, er, whatever they have.....They were both wearing Heavenly hard hats, which I thought was odd since I only asked them to begin working on getting a campfire started!  Rushing over I asked them how they were doing, and if they needed any help....Um, after listening to their plan on building a fire (Which took 30 minutes), I came to the conclusion that not only would we need a building permit for the foundation, but we may want to call your Earthly Guinness Book of World Records for the sheer height of it!! YIKES!!!  After explaining to them that it would be virtually impossible to cook s'mores on a 40 foot flame, the boys decided that a smaller campfire would suffice...YA THINK???!  I scurried back over to Slew, (Who of course was still engulfed in canvas), and asked Barbaro, Affirmed and Alydar if they had made any progress getting him out.  Their answer?  "Oh, you actually wanted us to help him out of there?" *again, slaps Heavenly hand to forehead*  Ah, yes please!  And from beyond the canvas you could hear a muffled, "Yes please!"  I pointed out where I thought the zipper on the tent was and asked them to get him out of there pronto because apparently I had to go and grab the Heavenly flashlights out of Assault and Seabiscuit's hooves....they were going around clicking it on and off under their chins, shouting "boo" to everyone....Ah guys, not only will you waste the battery...it's not even dark yet!!  And after 10 minutes of trying to explain why telling scary ghosts stories are much more effective at night, I gave up when Assault quipped, "BOO" in the middle of one of my sentences!! *done*  Of course Secretariat was building Ruffian a hut for all of her Heavenly luggage...I think that thing was the size of a warehouse it was so big!!  And to think he built that using branches, leaves, and Heavenly logs....WOW, pretty impressive...I have nicknamed them Mr. and Mrs. Howell.....(Gilligan Island Reference)...Speaking of branches, leaves and logs....The air had quickly filled with smoke, which can only mean that the campfire is not a campfire, but a smoke show....which was clear when I could no longer see anything...nothing...nada...zip!!  After checking in with Sirrus and Barry (When I finally could see them), they guaranteed me that everything was under control and that a tent had accidentally flown into the Heavenly campfire.  A tent???  What tent??  Who's tent??  Slew had immediately come to mind, and when the smoke cleared I could see a dishevelled Slew standing among Barbaro, Affirmed, and Alydar who were all laughing hysterically!!  I asked Barbaro how they got Slew out of the tent. (Did I really want to know the answer to that??  Too late!!)  He told me that after they had tried to unzip the tent, which apparently got stuck, they ended up hoisting him in the catapult....Wait, first of all, WHO brings a catapult camping??  Does anyone see the mother and father on the cover of that camping book loading their kids in a catapult??  Anyone see that??  And I certainly didn't read that in my "Camping for Dummies" book!!  And second of all, WHY would you load him into it...tent and all????  Alydar said that it was the best plan that they could come up with.  Seriously??  The best plan??  You guys didn't think a pair of scissors would have been a little easier??  *another sigh*  Barbaro continued the story by saying after they shot Slew out of the catapult, the tent landed on a tree branch, which in turn, tugged on the zipper, opened it, and that eventually allowed Slew to slide out of it and land all four Heavenly hooves safely on the ground!!  Looking perplexed I asked how his tent then ended up in the campfire?  Affirmed looked at Alydar and vice versa, then Alydar mumbled something about Slew wanting to see what would happen if you put it on the fire...HUH??  What did you think would happen??  Did you think it would create rainbows and lollipops??!!  Needless to say, when all was said and done, we really did end up having a great time camping.  Once everyone settled in (Slew shared a tent with Phar Lap, next to his boomerang), we sang campfire songs and ate giant s'mores (Not me, you couldn't get me near one of those with a ten foot pole after seeing Vanilla Mice break dancing on the marshmallows).  All in all....a good time was had by all.......Now, off to cloud for me......zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

A Cherub's Welcome To:

Private Mambo