Another Entry From The Equine Heaven Archives!!

This report was posted on Friday, December 7, 2007!!  Let me give you a little background info first.  Felix the Heavenly feline is one of our avid exercise riders up here at Heaven's Gate Farm.  One of his main duties is to get out on the Heavenly dirt track and get those Heavenly equines moving along!!  On this day, however, he decided to try riding western (something he has never done)!  He was riding the great American quarter horse, Poco Bueno!!  Let's see how he does...

"Tails From The Rails"~
Felix's Training Report!!

Update 0090: Ohhhhhh nooooooo!! A nervous morning this morning at Heaven's Gate, I'm shakin' in my little Heavenly western riding boots!!  I did a little research on pole bending before hitting my cloud last night and needless to say, I didn't sleep a wink!!! Apparently it's the equine equivalent of SLALOM SKIING...WHAT?????!!!  I've never even seen a ski, let alone know how to "slalom" one!! GEESH!! These are the basics.... It requires a horse with speed...CHECK!  It requires a horse that knows what his task is...CHECK! It requires a horse with agility...CHECK!  It requires a rider that can hang on.....NO CHECK!! NO CHECK!! MAYDAY, MAYDAY!!! YIKES!!!  Considering I've adopted many nicknames due to falling off the Heavenly thoroughbreds so much.....names like "The Sand-Man", "Ground Hog", (no, not Sirrus the Heavenly gopher, ME!!) and "Mud Puppy"......(I know, I know, I'm a Heavenly feline, which makes it all the more difficult to comprehend!!)  Ok, I'm ready.....I said I would try it and therefore, I will try it! Didn't say I'd be good at it, but I will at least give it a go!! Of course the great Poco Bueno is ready, he's looking at those poles like he's gonna eat them up!!! OOOOHHHHH!!! Here's the "gist" of the challenge....Six Heavenly poles are set up in a straight line at the far end of the sand ring, approximately 21 feet apart and 20 feet from the end of the Heavenly ring. (Do you think the distance of the Heavenly poles REALLY matter at this point???) We are to gallop FULL THROTTLE parallel to the poles to the end, turning around the last pole and begin weaving in and out of them! GOSH, I already feel sick and I'm only explaining to you all what I will be doing! Not only do I have to WEAVE down...I have to turn around the last pole and WEAVE BACK UP THEM...then "haul hiney" parallel to the poles back to the finish line (which is the starting line...??!!) Are you all confused yet?? I AM!!!!! Thank goodness POCO knows what to do...I'm just along for the ride due to my "beginner" status. OK, downed some Heavenly Gravol and here we gooooooooo........He's doing that "shot put" thingy to start again, you know, the "going in circles"in order to "slingshot" his start. WAIT POCO!! STOP!!! Poco stopped and asked me if everything was alright and I immediately skimmed the Heavenly fence of the sand ring!! Where is Northern Dancer and that two-sided tape that I asked for?? Oh, there he is, way at the other end, waving the tape at me, laughing hysterically!! GREAT!! THANKS FOR THE TAPE WHEN I NEEDED IT THE MOST!!! Nevermind..let's go POCO!!!! I grasped the horn of the Heavenly saddle and this time I kept my eyes OPEN...figured it was necessary!!! One, two, three.....FULL GALLOP, parallel to the poles, heading towards the end of the ring!!! YIKES!!!! All that I could hear were Poco's hooves digging and pounding into the ground while my face showed all the signs of major G-FORCE!!! We get to the end of the Heavenly ring and Poco turns a sharp left to begin his "weaving", while I slid sideways in the saddle, half on and half off!! WHAT???? IN AND OUT AND IN AND OUT AND IN AND OUT....I felt like a pair of pants in a washing machine that was set on TURBO SPEED!!...BACK, FORTH, BACK, FORTH....The Gravol is NOT working, I repeat, NOT WORKING!! OUCH, left leg "nails" a pole, right leg "nails" a pole, left leg "nails" a pole, shoulder "grazed" that one...!! I quickly think to myself, "Is there any gymkhana event that DOESN'T REMOVE HAIR???" Poco weaved better than any "basket maker" out there...he didn't hit ONE POLE!!! We made it to the end and he turned around the last pole and I thought "PHEW all done!" NOPE!! We had to go back through them AGAIN....OH NO!!!! BLACKOUT TIME!!!! My Heavenly eyes were zig-zagging and the feeling of vertigo was apparent....the minor loss of Heavenly leg fur didn't even faze me anymore....just finish ALREADY!! Finally the last pole and it was at this point that POCO "PUT THE PEDAL TO THE METAL" AND HAULED IT TO THE FINISH LINE...running parallel to the poles!!! My Heavenly paws were out of the stirrups, I had no idea where my reins went and I could see the fence rail getting closer and closer while POCO GAINED SPEED??? Why is he gaining speed as we get closer to the wire, WHY, WHY, WHY....can someone please tell me???!!!! One would want to slow down this close to the wire, would they not???......OK, EYES ARE CLOSING....CAN'T WATCH......Why do I hear tonnes of laughter from the Heavenly rail????? SCRREEECCHHHH!!!! Poco SLID on his haunches to a grinding halt and due to the fact that my Heavenly paws were OUT of the stirrups.....I FLEW "Tail over Tea Kettle"!!!! WEEEEEEEE!!!!! Landing ever-so-NOT-gracefully into the Heavenly mud!!! YUCKKKKK!! *spit* *choke* *cough* Hey, I'm still in one piece!! That's a GOOD sign right?? There was an immediate round of applause along the Heavenly rail and Poco came up to me and gave me a pat on the back, saying, "Well done Felix!!" Yayyyyy!!! What was my time you ask? Let's just say that I could compete if I wanted to........but do I want to right now??? NO WAY!! I need to re-grow some of my Heavenly fur back first!! Now I have a new nickname......"POLE CAT".......isn't that another name for a skunk???? Oh well!!!!


A Cherub's Welcome To:

La Pan Dow
Jackman
Truth and Justice
And all animals who have currently joined us.