Secretariat-A Moment of Eternity

In lieu of Secretariat's Earthly movie premiere on October 8, 2010, we at Heaven's Gate Farm decided to give "Big Red" a special tribute......He is absolutely ecstatic about this and hopes that all will go and watch it in your Earthly theatres!! Enjoy!!

Post Heavenly Hippity Hop Race Interview

Of course the entrants of the Heavenly Father's Day Hippity Hop Race had to sit down afterwards and discuss the strategies and techniques that each used during their run....(If there were any strategies, ahem...!!) Needless to say, this discussion took place immediately after they woke up Seattle Slew, who stopped mid-race for an afternoon siesta along the backstretch......!!! Remember yesterday when Barbaro, Secretariat, Affirmed, Northern Dancer and Diabolo did some creative "face-painting" on Slew after the race while he was still asleep? Yep, picture this, we have the entrants around the table to begin our post-race discussion, yet ONE of these Heavenly equines just DOESN'T belong....Can you guess who? You got it....The Geisha Girl!!! Seems that Northern Dancer got his hooves on some white face powder and did a light "dusting" over Slew's face!! LIGHT DUSTING??  I think not.....Slew's face is as white as a fresh blanket of new fallen snow!!!  Of course Secretariat and Affirmed did his eyes with VERY BLACK eyeliner, which curled up at the corners "a la" Elizabeth Taylor in the movie "Cleopatra", while Barbaro and Diabolo applied red, red, RED lipstick to a newly-designed tiny set of Heavenly lips. A little bit of Heavenly mousse in Slew's already "wind-whisked" forelock and "POOF", a teased up hairdo!!!  VOILA!!! Let's start the discussion, shall we?? Of course Slew has no idea what he looks like and we're certainly not about to tell him yet, however, it will become quite challenging for us not to laugh whenever we look at him!!! 

Heavenly Interviewer: "How does this type of race differ than other races any of you had participated in?"

Barbaro: "Are you kidding me? We're bouncing on rubber balls using our back legs to move and we ran the first quarter in 25 minutes. You do the math! I've never been loaded in a starting gate sitting on anything, definitely felt weird....!" (laughs)

Affirmed: "Barbaro, you could win a race moonwalking, blindfolded, while reciting the alphabet backwards...you're that good!!" (entire group laughs while agreeing)

Heavenly Interviewer: "Northern Dancer, at what point did you realize you were racing the wrong way?"

Northern Dancer: "Oh, that was embarrassing...." (Yes, cause the fact that you were all riding Hippity Hop balls in a race wasn't?) "I guess when I seen the Heavenly rail on my right side while I was bouncing along kinda made me start to wonder.....That and the fact that I seen Diabolo and Barbaro heading towards me at "mach 1" speeds!"

Heavenly Interviewer: "Slew, you made it to the backstretch, then took a nap, why?" (Trying hard not to look directly at him...........The gang is snickering)

Slew: "I just found that the aerodynamics and circumference width of the rubber Hippity Hop ball were not conducive to the amount of draft available and the dirt track ratios were way off, which really hindered my ability to make up any ground plus I got tired from going in circles!" (Huh??) (The gang is laughing hysterically now as Slew looks to his left and right wondering WHY??!!!)

Heavenly Interviewer: "Diabolo, can you attribute your deadheat win to the polish that Sword Dancer applied to your Hippity Hop ball in the post parade?"

Diabolo: "Man, THAT was a challenge! Here I am expecting to bounce and I end up sliding into the Clubhouse turn on my side, white knuckled the entire time. I think I should have worn knee pads and shin guards!!" (Leans over on his side, eyes wide, eyebrows up, mimicking going into the turn sideways - the group is laughing again)

Heavenly Interviewer: "Affirmed, you broke from the gate good, but then you just started bouncing up and down without making up any ground, what was going through your head at the time?"

Affirmed: "Honestly? You want to know what was going through my head?  Ok, my first thought was, hmmm, I'm a Triple Crown winner sitting on a rubber ball, holding rubber handles, going absolutely NOWHERE but UP, and for the life of me I can't figure out how to do this!  I won the Belmont Stakes for crying out loud, the most grueling race of the Triple Crown, and for some reason I can't maneuver this d#$m rubber ball??!!" (laughing) (Heavenly pardon)

Secretariat: "I agree with Affirmed, I too won the Triple Crown yet there's something to be said about 'bouncing' your way into the winner's circle. A definite challenge to say the least and TIRING as well!!"

(Oh oh, Slew has just scratched an "itch" on his nose and has noticed that his hoof is now WHITE.....YIKES!!!.....He's looking at it, studying it, still staring at it, thinking, thinking, nothing yet, his face is still expressionless.....nothing, nothing......we're looking at each other wondering if he'll put two and two together.......COME ON SLEW...GET THERE.....and, and, and BINGO!! He just started laughing and turned to us all and quipped, "Aw man, I got Cool Whip on my face still from the night before...!!" Oh well, he'll figure it out soon enough!!)

Heavenly Interviewer: "Ok, well I just want to thank all of you for your input at this Round Table discussion, are there any final thoughts?"

Barbaro: "Ya, NO MORE RUBBER HIPPITY HOP BALL RACES!!" (laughing)

Diabolo: "Let's have a rematch, only this time, no cooking spray polish on mine!"

Affirmed: "Good luck with that, count me out!!" (laughing)

Secretariat: "How about a soap-box Derby instead?"

Northern Dancer: "A hockey game! I'm Canadian, what can I say?" (laughing)

Seattle Slew: "A BAKE-OFF!!!!"

Oh Slew, you're hilarious!!! Now where's Regret with that mirror of hers so we can show Slew EXACTLY what he looks like......

Remember The Heaven's Gate Farm "Father's Day Hippity Hop Race"?

Now for those of you who are new to this Heavenly blog, back in June of your Earthly 2008, a few of the Heavenly equines decided to try a different type of racing.....A race that not only involves skill, timing, balance, and speed, but one that involves FUN!!  The old fashioned "Hippity Hop" ball race....Remember them?  Those massive rubber balls with the tiny handles on top that one uses to bounce around the Earthly back yard in, and if you leaned on them the wrong way you'd slide off them and end up eating dirt??  Ya, those!  As you can see below, they now come in various animal styles, so which one do you think the gang all grabbed to race with??  Why of course......the horse!!

Barbaro, Affirmed, Northern Dancer, Secretariat, Slew, and Diabolo decided that they would "give it a go".......Here's a recap of the race....

"They're at the post........albeit bouncing!!  So where were we??  Ah yes, the start of the first ever Heavenly Father's Day Hippity Hop Bouncing Rubber Ball Stakes Races.......ahem.......Barbaro's in post one on the rail with Affirmed in the two post, Seattle "The Kangaroo" Slew next to him, Diabolo in post four, Secretariat post five and on the far outside, and in post six, Northern Dancer!!!  They've stopped their bouncing, have leaned far forward in a jockey's position, tightly holding their rubber handles, waiting, waiting, waiting for the Heavenly starting gate bell....Felix and Fuzzy, who are in charge of the starting gate bell, are laughing hysterically, as they purposely hold off on letting them race, for the vision of them crammed in the gate with their Hippity Hop rubber balls is just too funny!!  The Heavenly residents along the rail are also laughing uncontrollably as they cheer with delight.........Then, the roar of the crowd dims to a faint hush.....complete silence.....The bell goes and THEY'RE OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  ARRGGHHHH!!!!!! Where is everybody???? (There's an excessive amount of Heavenly dust coming out of the gate as if someone turned on a leafblower in there!! *cough* *cough* *choke*)  Finally, someone has bounced out........Oh my.....Slew jumped out sideways.....AGAIN!!  Man, even in a rubber Hippity Hop ball race he takes flight on an angle!!  GEESH!!! There goes Affirmed, he's out of the gate, however he's having a tough time maneuvering his Hippity Hop ball as it refuses to go forward, but he is getting an extreme amount of "height" on the spot!!  ZOINKS!!!  Use your back legs Affirmed....PUSH WITH YOUR BACK LEGS...LEAN FORWARD ON THE RUBBER HANDLES AND PUSH!!!  Um, sorry to interupt commentating, but does this sound like "the call" of a normal Earthly race???  When was the last time you heard an Earthly announcer saying, "And here comes Pyro on the turn for home, he's leaning forward, holding the rubber handles while pushing with his back legs...what an incredible maneuver race fans"????  Ya, I didn't think so.  Anyways, back to reality, er ah, whatever you wanna call this...........Ok, remember how we told you that Sword Dancer was "polishing" Diabolo's Hippity Hop ball with some type of non-stick cooking spray in the post parade....ya, well apparently it becomes extremely slippery when exposed to dirt and because of this, it has just shuttled Diabolo into the lead by 20 feet......SLIDING....NOT BOUNCING!!  YIKES!!!!!!!!!

(Anybody see Christmas Vacation when Clark W. Griswold went sledding on his toboggan/disc after "polishing" it?? Ya, hold that thought!!)  Diabolo is STILL sliding.....will we need a Steward's Enquiry after this??  Dunno, but Barbaro just bounced so far forward that he had to be off the ground for at least 10 minutes....You could have had time to run and get a coke and a pretzel at the Heavenly concession stands by the time he landed!!!  GOOD ONE BARBARO...NICE PUSH!!!  Oh oh.....Northern Dancer, who was in post six, bounced so high, and so far forward, that when he landed he was facing the OPPOSITE direction...!!!  Needless to say, he hasn't realized it yet and has continued on the WRONG WAY...Now all the Heavenly equines from Europe are cheering with delight.....yelling, "FINALLY someone's racing the RIGHT WAY!!!"  Um, ya, actually on a side note, many Earthly American races started out running clockwise just like their European cousins.  As a matter of fact, the Belmont was not run counter-clockwise until 1921......Just a little bit of trivia for you all.........Ok, back to the Hippity Hop race.............We have decided to let Northern Dancer continue on in this direction, since he's making good ground and is in a deep concentrative state...How do we know this??  He's leaning forward, with large giant thrusts, getting good height, covering large distances, and his Heavenly TONGUE is sticking out sideways in deep thought.....HE'S REALLY INTO THIS!!!  So, down the backstretch they go...(Finally)...Diabolo's up front with Barbaro a close second, Secretariat's in third, Affirmed has made up some ground and is bouncing his way along in forth, Slew is......??  Where's Slew??  Anyone seen Slew??  Oh, there he is.........going in circles on the Clubhouse turn.......Seems that his left hind leg is a bit tired and his right hind leg is compensating for that.......Um, ok I'm getting dizzy just watching him so let's go see where Northern Dancer is shall we??  (Remember folks, he's racing the WRONG WAY!!)  Ah yes, he's bouncing on the turn for home, heading towards the backstretch.......Hmmm, I think Diabolo will see him in.....three.......two........one........Yep, he sees Northern Dancer and has JUMPED over him, so did Barbaro, so has Secretariat, and so has Affirmed....Did this just turn into a steeplechase race at Cheltenham????  The look on Northern Dancer's face was priceless, as he JUST realized he was going in the opposite direction, so he slammed on his breaks and cranked his Hippity Hop ball to the left and BOUNCED back into contention....Slew on the other hand, is still going in circles, but he did manage to gain some ground by making his way onto the backstretch.........where he's now fallen asleep upright, sitting on his Hippity Hop ball, still holding the rubber handles, head back, and SNORING....!!!  Hmmm, first quarter in 25 minutes and 32 seconds....Do the times really matter anymore???...Um, probably not......since it's a duel up front and down the stretch for home with Diabolo and Barbaro, who have created so much Heavenly dust with their Hippity Hop balls that they are both COVERED in dirt!!!  Secretariat and Affirmed have both stopped on the turn for home and have started chatting amongst themselves as Northern Dancer LEAPS over both to try and gain ground on Diabolo and Barbaro...!!!  DOWN THE STRETCH THEY BOUNCE.....Barbaro on the inside, Diabolo sliding/bouncing on the outside......They're at the wire..........It's a DEADHEAT!!  SPECTACULAR...!!!  Way to go guys!!!  The crowd is cheering with delight as all rush the Heavenly track to congratulate the entrants.....As well, Secretariat, Affirmed, Northern Dancer, Diabolo and Barbaro have all made their way to the backstretch in order to check in on a "Sleepless in Seattle-Slew", and do a bit of creative face painting on him while he's snoring.......FIGURES!!!!!  Anybody got some white face powder and mascara???  Oh well, a great time was had by all!!!"

Tomorrow we will bring you their "Post Hippity Hop Race" interview......Stay tuned!!

Who Wants Baked Goods, Er, Ah, Baked "Bads".......???

Leave it to Slew to experiment with tools one would normally NOT use in a kitchen to bake....like, let's say for example...a WELDING TORCH!!  With welding mask in hand, er, ah, hoof, and Heavenly welding tanks filled with oxygen and acetylene....Yep, you read that correct...ACETYLENE, your beloved Seattle Slew thought it would be a great idea to create a "lightly golden brown" pie crust on his latest baked good....!!!!  Did we say "lightly golden brown"????  Now please try and get a visual of how this all went down...You can picture Slew in his welding gear, right?  Yes, he put his black welder's mask on his head, and after doing so, bumped into several Heavenly walls because he couldn't see properly, which in turn caused a flurry of laughter from the rest of the gang. (Yes, Secretariat and Alydar started a "pool" to see how long it would take for Slew to do something "out of the ordinary")  Now if one didn't realize what Slew was trying to accomplish, one would think that he was trying out for the Earthly part of Darth Vader from the Earthly movie, Star Wars.......Below is a photo of Slew's welding mask.....And below that is a photo Darth Vader.....See the resemblance???

So, of course someone had to point out the fact that Slew looked identical to your Earthly Darth Vader, (That "someone" would aptly be named, Assault, John Henry, Barbaro, Affirmed, and George Washington!)  Thanks guys, now Slew's got a Heavenly broom handle in his hoof, and he's waving it around the room like it's a lightsaber!!  EVERYONE DUCK!!!  Oh no....Slew is now making the Darth Vader, "heavy breathing" noises whilst swinging that broom handle around......Please don't say, "Luke, I am your father!", please don't, please don't, please don't...YIKES....THERE IT IS....In a voice that has absolutely NO resemblance to Darth Vader (sounds more like he's got a hairball caught in his Heavenly throat), your beloved Seattle Slew utters the most famous words ever to come out of the mouth of an Earthly fictional character......"LUKE, I AM YOUR FATHER!", which in turn were followed by the words, "WHO IS LUKE ANYWAYS?"  Ah, leave it to Slew........always looking for answers!!  Speaking of answers, can someone please tell me how this turned into a scene from The Empire Strikes Back....I THOUGHT we were suppose to be baking pies???  Back to the task at hand, er ah, hoof, and finally Slew relinquishes the broom handle to Regret and gets back to the business of baking pies and cakes.......

Well, to make a long story short, after lightly torching everything in sight, yes everything; Heavenly oven mitts, walls, doors, ceiling, stove, windows, etc., etc., etc.,...Slew finally gives us a peek at his "finished" baked goods.....And when we say "finished", we mean "finished", like wrecked, ruined, decimated, destroyed, unedible.....the list of adjectives are endless.....Anyways, below is a couple of photos of Slew's creation using a welding torch.....And in case you can't identify them, we'll help you:  The photo directly below is suppose to be a "Fruitcake"....well now, who da thunk it??  And the photo below that is suppose to be a Boston Cream Pie......What we're still scratching our Heavenly heads about is how in Heaven's name did the pie rise directly out of the pie pan.....Was it trying to make a "getaway"?????  Oh well, onto the next fiasco.....

Holy Smokes-We've Been Absent For Awhile!!

Your Earthly May and June have been prime-time months for Heavenly summer activities up here at Heaven's Gate Farm, and since Seattle Slew blew up the Heavenly computer while trying to OVER-TWITTER, Sirrus the Heavenly gopher has finally repaired it, (with the help of your Earthly Future Shop employees!!!)  YIKES!!

So away we go with the latest updates on the gang (in a Heavenly nutshell of course)

1.  Seattle Slew is still "head over Heavenly hooves" in love with Regret (More on that later)
2.  Many Heavenly games of the "Heavenly Family Feud" have taken place (Got very rowdy indeed!)
3.  The Heavenly "July Summer Festival" will be taking place on your Earthly July 31, 2010 (Water games, animal olympics, and all-out Heavenly family fun is in store)
4.  Barbaro has been informed about a new Earthly book in the works for him....and he is EXTREMELY excited about it!!
5.  George Washington couldn't be prouder of his Earthly daughter...Date With Destiny..He says, "That's My GIRL!!!"!!
6.  The Monthly Heavenly birthday parties have been a success and this Heavenly weekend we will be celebrating all the July birthdays!!  Should be a blast!!  Slew is baking a "Leaning Tower of Pisa" cake.....ahem, this will be his fourth attempt at this in two days.....they keep FALLING OVER!!!  Hey Slew, maybe it's time you paid an Earthly visit to Buddy at Cake Boss!!?? 
7.  Slew is paying an Earthly visit to Buddy at Cake Boss....cause he just peaked over my shoulder and read this Heavenly update......OH NO!!!!!!